May the Gods Bless the Allen Wrench……?

So I relented and went to IKEA on Sunday with Sharon. Not that I don’t like IKEA but since I lost née sight it is at the bottom of the list of places to shop, for many reasons. First, the people who shop at the College Park IKEA are idiots. They bring all their welfare kids and let them run free. They completely ignore the nice traffic control arrows so nicely projected on the floor. The designers of the IKEA concept have laid out IKEA stores in a logical, easy to understand. Unless you failed the following directions part of kindergarten, in which case you should not be buying anything from IKEA.
Second, the designers obviously were not thinking about their handicapped customers. Sure, they have the obligatory parking space and elevators. Hell, they even have parking spaces for pregnant women. The show room is dark and lay out in a zig zaging spiral that ends up at the cafeteria and the stairs/elevators that lead down to the “market place”. The area where IKEA sells all the house wares.
But the most annoying thing about IKEA is the way they ruin any attempt to diet….yes, IKEA will get you every time….
As you wend your way thru all the colorful geometric shaped carpets and the oddly shaped pillows it hits you….cinnamon. At first it is a little tickle to the olfactory nerves, just a little whiff….then it continues to grow in intensity the closer you get to the check out…… f
At first it is a little tickle to the olfactory nerves, just a little whiff….then it continues to grow in intensity the closer you get to the check out…… At first it is a little tickle to the olfactory nerves, just a little whiff….then it continues to grow in intensity the closer you get to the check out…… fat first it is a little tickle to the olfactory nerves, just a little whiff….then it continues to grow in intensity the closer you get to the check out…… fat first it is a little tickle to the olfactory nerves, just a little whiff….then it continues to grow in intensity the closer you get to the check out…… fate first it is a little tickle to the olfactory nerves, just a little whiff….then it continues to grow in intensity the closer you get to the check out…… fate first it is a little tickle to the olfactory nerves, just a little whiff….then it continues to grow in intensity the closer you get to the check out. Lanes. Which of course are 15-20 people deep? Here again the idiots can’t follow directions and try to load all of the millions of pieces of the future IVAR shelving unit for their garage onto the conveyer belt. But I digress, the smell of cinnamon has now reached sensory overload. You must have them. Piping hot, gooey frosting sticking to your fingers, the cloyingly spicey cinnamon tickeling your nose.
5000 calories, a sugar high sure to put even non-diabetics into a coma like stupor. All for just $1.99 for 12 of these most delicious confections. Oh yeah don’t forget the Grogg and Boisinberry juice to wash it all down.

After forcing yourself up from the carb loading you now must load all that DIY lumber into your SUV . Get it home, pull out the handy 3” allen wrench provided and build your Swedish master piece. Afterwards, you toss that little 13mm Allen wrench into the junk drawer with all of the others you have been collecting since College, wander into the kitchen and nuke yourself a nice cinnamon roll.